24 Dec The Closet – 12/24/20
Psalm 18:19 – “He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.“
My first encounter with God was when I was 12 years old. I had been bullied relentlessly growing up; thrown in trash cans, verbally abused, and even strangled nearly to the point of unconsciousness. I was hurt, lonely, and scared. I was weary; contemplating suicide. After an entire year of attempted therapy, my therapist told me I need to man up. He told me I “simply” cannot let anyone or anything bother me. That day, I took a physically worn, emotionally battered, and spiritually lost 12 year old kid and locked him in a closet. I subconsciously began to reinvent myself. I needed to create a “better”, more “manly”, me. It was merely instinctual survival, however, I was willing to do anything for acceptance. This experience had, sadly, pointed me down a very destructive path. The real me, the me that wanted to be truly known and loved anyway, was locked in a closet. But the Lord brought me out into a spacious place; a place of honesty and exposure; a place of light and grace; a place of feeling and hope. And He rescued me because He delighted in me. I praise Him for His love, but He doesn’t just love me. He likes me too. He delights in knowing me; He delights in loving me anyway.
In an attempt to take my own life, I cried out to the Lord. I didn’t think He would know me, much less care about me, but in utter desperation, I called upon His name to find that He delights in me.
Father, we recognize that you didn’t have to send your one and only Son to die for us, you don’t have to use us, you don’t need to delight in us; but you do. Thank you. I pray that we can understand delight as you have first shown us, and as humbled servants we can be delighted to bow before your throne. Let your rescue be known. In your Son’s precious name, Amen.