18 Sep Search Us – 9/18/20
Psalm 139 – “You have searched me Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you…”
Think of a fiddler crabs; the crabs with one big and one little claw. When they molt, they lie on their backs. They look dead. They have to die to themselves in order to grow. But during the process, they have to hide because they lose their only source of protection. Otherwise, the other crabs will try and kill them when they are in the midst of growing. They are completely vulnerable. We may know from experience that when we look dead, people may leave us or try to take more from us. And sometimes, we even give up on ourselves. But unlike fiddler crabs, we don’t have to hide when we are molting. We can tell the truth about our vulnerability, we can be honest about our humanity, because that’s how we grow. Finally, we can feel safe.
Why do we hide our vulnerability? Our Lord created us; of course, how He created us is no secret to Him. Search us, Lord. You know us well. You created us with needs, desires, hope… please allow us to be honest about it all. You created us to be relational, spiritual; our God, our hearts are ready for you. Even engulfed in darkness, doubt, and fear: search us. I’ve acknowledged that the triumph of faith is the ability of your light to shine in the deepest, darkest recesses of our hearts. We may have doubts. We may experience real hurt. But we trust you anyway. “If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,’ even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.”